are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
