3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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