I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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