He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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