I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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