This is not my ceiling
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize