You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
