I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
