Me. At least after what I've been through.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
