I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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