I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
