You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
