I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
