Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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