Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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