i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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