Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
