I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
