If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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