Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
