Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
