the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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