Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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