hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
