32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You ruined the universe
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
