question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
