Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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