Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
