I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
