I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
