Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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