guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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