elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
