Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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