My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
