why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
