i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
