Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
