Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
