we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
