Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
