U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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