I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
