And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
