my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
