Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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