Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
