just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My cat gives me a boner
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
