idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
