@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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