i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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