dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
