Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
