This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
