I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
