Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can you repeat that, but with context?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
