I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
