If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
