In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
