i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
thus making me awesome and them whores
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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