I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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