i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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