thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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