I'm so fucking centered right now
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
