I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
