i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
