No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
