Don't you send me to vm
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
