the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
