my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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