watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Drake has all the answers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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