I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
