you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
